


or Treats

by Theoroark



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Candy, Friendship, Gabe's passive aggression backfires yet again, Gen, Humor, Office Shenanigans, Team Bonding, Team Talon (Overwatch), halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 03:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12521736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark
Summary: It had not been overly difficult to hijack the cargo ship. The Shimadas were not the arms traffickers they once were, and there had just been a shoestring crew that Widowmaker easily dispensed with. And that same scant roster meant that the AI pilot was already running, and Sombra simply needed to change the coordinates and the Southern Europe Talon HQ was fully supplied with all the guns, ammunition, and biochemical weapons they needed.Until, of course, they opened the cargo compartment.





	or Treats

It had not been overly difficult to hijack the cargo ship. The Shimadas were not the arms traffickers they once were, and there had just been a shoestring crew that Widowmaker easily dispensed with. And that same scant roster meant that the AI pilot was already running, and Sombra simply needed to change the coordinates and the Southern Europe Talon HQ was fully supplied with all the guns, ammunition, and biochemical weapons they needed.

 

Until, of course, they opened the cargo compartment.

 

“Are they decoys?” Akande asked, staring at the boxes of candy that filled up the space.

 

Widow, who was sitting on top of one of the stacks, looked up from her box of Nerds and shook her head. “It was a two hour trip. I checked all of them. Unless they’re hiding shells in Skittles packages, there’s nothing.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Akande whispered. Sombra walked past him and caught the Snickers that Widow tossed her way.

 

“Manifest said that they were going to unload in Texas. The war with Deadlock has cut off a lot of trade to the Southwest. My guess is the Shimadas were looking to make money smuggling candy in time for Halloween.”

 

“It could work,” Widow said. “We might be able to turn this around if we deliver this to whoever the Shimadas’ contact was.”

 

“We don’t need money, we need weapons.”

 

“Money can be used to buy weapons.”

 

“Thank you for that economics lesson, Sombra, but the Shimadas could still ambush us at the drop, and we have no intel on the contact–“ Akande heard the sounds of boots on the staircase behind him and drew a hand over his face. Reaper ducked through the doorway and stared at the scene– Sombra flicking through a map of shipping routes with one hand and rooting through a box of flavored Kit Kats with the other; Widow tipping a small cardboard box upside down into her mouth, a candy necklace around her neck.

 

“This is not shotguns,” he said. Akande sighed.

 

“We had bad intel on the contents of the ship.” Reaper said nothing, but Akande could still feel the waves of judgment coming off him, and he grit his teeth. “Alright. This was a low-cost mission. We’re going to chalk this up as a drill, dump the cargo, and start looking for a proper target.”

 

“Wait wait wait.” Sombra snapped the map shut and stared at him wide-eyed. “Why do we have to dump it? It’s perfectly good candy.”

 

Akande gestured around the fairly spacious room. “It’s a ridiculous amount, Sombra. I am not exposing Talon agents to transport M&Ms.”

 

“Okay first of all, they have Sour Patch Kids in here. Second of all, you’re buff–“

 

“No,” Reaper said flatly. Sombra made an inarticulate noise of frustration and Akande turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Usually you humor her more than this.” Reaper ignored Sombra’s second squawk, this one more indignant, and turned to him as well, lowering his voice.

 

“You do not want to let them do this.”

 

“What if we just took whatever we could carry?” Widow said from her perch. She shrugged when Akande looked up at her. “They have Kinder eggs here.”

 

“Ogundimu. Listen to me. This is a very bad idea.” Akande bit his lip, looked between his most valuable and sensible agent, and his vaguely untrustworthy and frequently passive aggressive fellow executive, and made up his mind.

 

“You can each take one box,” he announced. Sombra whooped, Widow smiled, and Reaper growled under his breath. “And if there are any Twix, let me know.”

 

-

 

“I told you this was a bad idea,” Reaper said the next day.

 

Akande leaned against the balcony railing and watched in dismay as Sombra yet again grappling hooked herself into a cafeteria wall. She broke her fall by translocating down to Widow who was, in a deeply uncharacteristic display, attempting to backflip across all the tables.

 

“We’re sure nothing was spiked? This is really just a sugar high?” Next to him, Reaper sighed.

 

“Every year at Overwatch,” he said. His tone of voice suggested that if he had normal eyeballs, he would be performing a thousand yard stare. “Every year, Lieutenant Wilhelm would give the Amari girl half a candy store for Halloween. Every year, the entire base would grind to a halt as we tried to contain the whirlwind of chaos he had unleashed.”

 

“Still. They’re grown women,” he said. Widow was now attempting to showcase her accuracy by throwing Swedish Fish into Sombra’s mouth. “You’d think they’d be able to self-regulate.” Absentmindedly, he fished a Twix bar out of his pocket and began to unwrap it.

 

Reaper looked sideways at him. “How many of those have you had?”

 

“Look, just make sure they don’t break anything,” Akande said. “And remind them that the acquisitions meeting is in two days.” Reaper shook his head as Akande pivoted and power walked back to his office.

 

-

 

Two days later, Akande walked into the conference room to see Reaper sitting with his hands folded, and Widow and Sombra sitting with their heads flopped down on the table. Akande rubbed at his temple, tried to ignore his buzzing headache, and cleared his throat.

 

“Right. Sombra. Have you had any luck identifying potential targets?” Without looking, Sombra raised her palm, projected a web browser, and typed “free guns” into Google. Akande sighed as he sat down.

 

“I expected better from you,” he said to Widow. She groaned apathetically in response.

 

“Really,” Reaper said, and Akande tried not to wince at the sound of his voice. “Did you finish your entire boxes?” Sombra and Widow both made grumbling noises. “I cannot believe you two. That should have lasted a month. You could have at least spread it out enough so that you would be awake for this meeting.”

 

“Hey, wait, yeah,” Sombra said. “Akande. Why don’t you give us some of your candy. Hair of the dog that bit you. That’ll work.”

 

“No,” Akande said. His brain felt very heavy.

 

“Come on. Don’t you want us to be productive?”

 

“I can’t,” he said slowly.

 

“Why not?”

 

Akande considered responding verbally but opted for dropping forward onto the table, onto his folded arms. Widow reached over and tapped at his shoulder. He laid his head on its side to face her. She shook her head as best she could without lifting it.

 

“I know,” he said quietly. “I know.” Reaper cleared his throat.

 

“Okay, if I’m the only one functional at this meeting…”

 

“Hang on. That’s true,” Sombra said. “Why didn’t you take any, Gabe? When I was going through old Overwatch stuff, I saw you send eight all staff emails in one day about someone stealing from your candy corn stash. Isn’t this your whole thing?”

 

The three of them turned to look at him. Reaper folded his arms. Sombra widened her eyes.

 

“Ooooh. Wait, can you not eat food any more? Like, I know you get your sustenance from death and decay and My Chemical Romance albums or whatever, but I thought you were still capable of it…”

 

“I am not,” Reaper said in a clipped voice. Widow raised her hand and he sighed. “Yes?”

 

“Does this mean you don’t poop?” Reaper pushed away from the table and stood up.

 

“Okay, this meeting is over.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Sombra grabbed at Reaper’s robe and he stopped. “I’m sorry, Gabe. We should have been more sensitive to your Halloween needs.”

 

“I’m leaving,” Reaper said, without moving.

 

“We’re not doing actual work now, right?” Akande shook his head. “So we can do whatever spooky stuff you want.”

 

“As long as it doesn’t involve moving or thinking,” Widow said. Sombra nodded in agreement.

 

“Other than that, it’s your day, boo.” He looked over at Akande, who shrugged.

 

“I mean, we aren’t going to be working…” Reaper hesitated, then sat back down.

 

“Sombra, can you torrent Hocus Pocus?”

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is more than a little crack-y but I wanted to write a Team Talon Halloween fic and so here we are. Thank you [CaptainRivaini](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainRivaini/pseuds/CaptainRivaini) for the prompt!
> 
> I'm @tacticalgrandma on tumblr if you want to talk there.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and any comments/kudos would make my day <3


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